In mid-May, this appeared on my Youtube feed:
Natalie Portman has the most beautiful head shape ever. Although mine isn’t the gorgeous egg-shaped perfection that is hers, still, mine isn’t too shabby either. It’s fairly egg-shaped, I would say. It was created by my mother with much attention to detail and sleepless nights.
I had quoted the lyrics of this song in another post, but that post disappeared in the cleaning. (It wasn’t much other than the song and the lyrics, so.) Now I’m putting the lyrics here again, in a post that is more than the song and the lyrics.
[Verse]
Oh, I do believe
In all the things you see
What comes is better
Than what came before[Chorus]
And you better come come
Come come to me
Better come come come come come to me
Better run run run run run to me
Better come[Verse]
Oh, I do believe
In all the things you see
What comes is better
Than what came before[Chorus]
I Found a Reason – Cat Power
And you better
Run run run run to me
Better run run run run run to me
Better come come come come come to me
Better run
If early 2023 hadn’t happened, I would not have wanted to find my way home. I would not even have known that I needed to. And I wouldn’t have known where home was. But afterward, thanks to what happened, I could clearly tell: it lay in the opposite direction to wherever I was headed.
So I turned around and went back. I am still not home because I’ve come too far, but now, at least, I know where home is. It was where I used to be all along. If I had stayed there, I would never have left it; but if I had stayed there, I never would’ve known the meaning of home.
And so, I hit the bottom and am finding my way back home.
I stopped thinking with my head. I also stopped deluding myself that understanding with my head is understanding at all. I am attempting to live life the way I write fiction. I was saying all along that “everything is a story.” But I wasn’t living it. This was the most fundamental problem. I wasn’t living according to belief = reality, as if reality could ever be separated from belief. From there came trouble.
Everything is a story. No, really.
It’s easier said than done, because for a character in the story, the story feels so real.
If “story” feels too abstract, consider the word “dream.” Everything is a dream. In the dream, it feels real, but is it? Not to say that “not real” means unimportant or irrelevant. The very need to tie importance and relevancy to realness is an odd notion. It’s something that has been drilled into many folks through standardized school systems, including me.
I hit the bottom and am finding my way back home.
I am going to that place that doesn’t need to be made home, because it always has been home. It is home as a being, existence. It is doing without doing. Truly. Not in the head, but actually. Literally.
In literalness, there is poetry. See, separating the literal and the poetic was as nonsensical as separating belief from reality. Everything I believe, I am, and thereby creates my reality. (Not to say that there is no literal vs. poetic. No. Literal and poetic are. But they are also one.)
I am finding my way back home, but I am not there yet. This reality, I am not yet creating fully, because I am still, despite knowing in my head, separating belief from reality.
But I am moving toward home, when, a few months ago, I didn’t even know what home was. And I hope you find your way home, if you want and need to find it. Maybe this is your home. I don’t know.
The blog, as mentioned a few times before, is retiring today. It will stay live, and maybe, occasionally, I will write something. Until then, all nonfiction talks will happen on Sponge. Either way, blogging frequency will definitely be way less than daily: retired, but not dead. ☺️
So long, everybody.
P.S.
Another movie with a character with a very short haircut: “Chungking Express.”
My hair resembles hers, now. 😆 I shall do Sponge episodes on “V for Vendetta” and “Chungking Express.” The themes won’t be about the hairstyle, but the reason I chose to re-watch those movies will be it.
Randomly, I saw Florence Pugh with this hairstyle, in the interviews for “Oppenheimer.” I was excited, until I checked out the movie stills and it turns out, in the movie, Ms. Pugh does not seem have the same hairstyle–at least in the ones that I’ve found. Disappointed!!! Hehe. No “Oppenheimer” episode on Sponge!!! But I still love Florence Pugh. I think her voice is magnificent.