Starting something that will end


I am not talking about utterly measurable things like one-day classes or even a 4-year college degree. Obviously, those things will end. (Hopefully! Hopefully one can graduate within 4 years, or 5 years, or 6 years!)

I am talking about more emotionally charged things. The emotional investment that goes into such things is so huge that I don’t usually start them when the end is obvious.

But maybe I will make 2023 the year in which I will invite people into my life (and be invited back) knowing that they will be gone in a year. And they would have to agree with this sentiment; otherwise it would be… bad.

There is plenty of potential in this idea. Many folks do not want things that last. There is nothing wrong with that. Temporary relationships (of every kind, ranging from friendships to business partnerships to romance) that have been planned as temporary things can lead to mutual growth and a sense of security (while it lasts) and love and all that.

If I do this, it will be an interesting experiment. I remember a distant past when I used to be better at this; maybe I could partially go back to that state. It isn’t necessarily because such a state is good or better. It just seems nice to have many tools in my toolbox. Welcoming relationships that are clearly temporary will certainly lead to more relationships of every kind. (Is that good? Bad? Neutral? I don’t know.)

Temporary things certainly sound appealing these days, because now I am seeing: my main problem right now is the terror of having encountered something too meaningful.

Whereas, temporary things: low stakes, no pressure.

That said, even in such a temporary setup, I will likely attempt to get something lasting out of it. Even in my childhood, when people’s coming and going was pretty much expected due to moves, travels, graduations, etc, I tended to find something small to carry with me, after everything else faded.

Only in the important things, of course. Most other frivolous things really… just do fade. These frivolous things are usually things where I didn’t even think about making them last or not. Such a decision is often unnecessary or impossible. But when I do think about such a decision at all… then it signals that it meant something, and will mean something, even after its end.

Maybe what I should try is not to make the decision at all—not trying to tell if something will last or be gone in a week. Maybe I should approach everything in life with utter indifference when it comes to time. 😌 Just let it happen, or not. Who cares.

Beginnings will be a thousand times easier with this mentality. Maybe it won’t even lead to a higher likelihood of ends. In fact, the likelihood of ends might be lower!

Who knows. I have never lived like that. I probably never will. I don’t particularly envy such lives of letting things happen. There is fate/destiny/serendipity and then there is… just random. 😂 Bordering on YOLO. I am so not the yolo type.

I strongly believe that the only reason I am still writing is that from the second I decided to write, I also decided that I would write for life; that, if I quit, I would be dead—either literally or figuratively. Too many things happened in the past 10 years (almost 11 years now) that would’ve made me quit, had I not decided that I just would not. Quitting was not an option. Period. End of discussion.

But writing is intangible and writing is eternal, not only for me but for everyone; for literally the humanity.

Whereas humans? Well. Most humans fade easily from other human lives. Even supposed endgames fade, and are endgames no more. Many survive the end of the endgame.

But I would die! It might make me quit writing, or do some such other crazy thing! So, selectively experiencing intentionally-temporary human relationships sounds highly appealing right now.


Meanwhile, my Twitter account only managed to survive for an hour. And my Mastodon account only survived for about two days. I guess with some things, I really just do not care if they stay or not. In fact, I care so little that every few months, I “experiment” with new accounts again. Really, I should just stop these pointless “experiments.” The conclusions are always the same: that I delete the accounts.

Here. Have a totally unrelated random video.