The delusion that I did it for someone else.


That was what filled me, for a couple of months. In other words, I was doing what I despise in others: practicing the pretension of doing something for another person.

That really is impossible, if you adopt the mindset that everything is a reflection of you; the other is you.

Besides, even at the most superficial level:

Yes, I was trying to “be there” for others, but it was for my own gain. Caring about my own gain is neither good nor bad, but the pretentious delusion that somehow, others were responsible for my being there, was simply untrue. And, even if untruth, also, isn’t good or bad—even then, untruth is untruth. It just is, and it’s a delusion.